Mark had to "educate" someone about adoption yesterday at church. We were visiting the church he grew up in with Isaac for the first time. After the service, an old friend saw Mark holding a baby, so came up and asked him, "Is he yours?" Mark proudly said, "Yes, he is!" The man responded, "Oh, I thought I had heard he was adopted." Mark said, "Yeah, he is."
I have become very sensitive to the things people sometimes say, completely innocently, related to adoption. For example, although I try to be gracious outwardly, inwardly it drives me crazy when people say things like, "So, did you meet Isaac's mother before he was born?" Um, excuse me. I'm his mother. I don't mean to minimize the role Isaac's birthmother had and will always have in his life. She took wonderful care of him for the first nine or so months of his existence. I know she will always think of Isaac as her son. I am amazed at the selfless decision she made to give Isaac a family with a mom and a dad who could take care of him and love him in ways she could not. However, I am Isaac's mother, and Mark is his father. And it's not just about the work of being the mother and father, although we have changed the diapers, soothed him, bathed him, stayed with him in the hospital when he was sick. It's also that we know him--we've watched him develop over these last four months, and have figured out his rhythms, and the noises he makes when he's just about to fall asleep. We know how to make him laugh. And, we know that we will continue to be the ones to care for him and get to know him, and influence him, as he grows up.
I suppose it may be because of all the hoops we've had to go through to have a child that I get a little rankled when someone implies, albeit innocently or indirectly, that Isaac belongs to someone else. We've had our house inspected on numerous occasions. We have to inform various people whenever we take Isaac to the doctor or travel out of state. We had to have letters of recommendation written on our behalf and prove to the state of Ohio that our marriage is healthy and happy. If only all parents had to go through such a process to raise a child.
People will make comments like this again, and I hope Mark and I, and eventually Isaac, will be able to respond with grace. I know they don't mean any harm. I hope we can help people who aren't very familiar or comfortable with adoption understand that Isaac is adopted and he is ours. Always and forever.
I have become very sensitive to the things people sometimes say, completely innocently, related to adoption. For example, although I try to be gracious outwardly, inwardly it drives me crazy when people say things like, "So, did you meet Isaac's mother before he was born?" Um, excuse me. I'm his mother. I don't mean to minimize the role Isaac's birthmother had and will always have in his life. She took wonderful care of him for the first nine or so months of his existence. I know she will always think of Isaac as her son. I am amazed at the selfless decision she made to give Isaac a family with a mom and a dad who could take care of him and love him in ways she could not. However, I am Isaac's mother, and Mark is his father. And it's not just about the work of being the mother and father, although we have changed the diapers, soothed him, bathed him, stayed with him in the hospital when he was sick. It's also that we know him--we've watched him develop over these last four months, and have figured out his rhythms, and the noises he makes when he's just about to fall asleep. We know how to make him laugh. And, we know that we will continue to be the ones to care for him and get to know him, and influence him, as he grows up.
I suppose it may be because of all the hoops we've had to go through to have a child that I get a little rankled when someone implies, albeit innocently or indirectly, that Isaac belongs to someone else. We've had our house inspected on numerous occasions. We have to inform various people whenever we take Isaac to the doctor or travel out of state. We had to have letters of recommendation written on our behalf and prove to the state of Ohio that our marriage is healthy and happy. If only all parents had to go through such a process to raise a child.
People will make comments like this again, and I hope Mark and I, and eventually Isaac, will be able to respond with grace. I know they don't mean any harm. I hope we can help people who aren't very familiar or comfortable with adoption understand that Isaac is adopted and he is ours. Always and forever.
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