It bothered me enough that I went to the ministry's website and submitted a letter expressing my disappointment at their word choice. Here is the letter:
I just heard about your ministry recently while listening to a podcast of one of my favorite Moody radio shows. I have looked at your website and appreciate the ministry you have to parents and young people. I think you are doing a very good work. I wanted to write, though, because I was disappointed by something I heard in one of your short radio commentaries the other day. The message was encouraging parents to respect their teenage children by not embarrassing them. There was a little radio drama in which a father embarrasses his teenage daughter by trying to talk "hip" and her response is to say, "I am so adopted." I have a nine month old adopted son. When I heard the girl on the radio drama use the word adopted in that way, I was taken aback. I wondered what would my son think hearing something like that once he is old enough to start understanding and asking questions about his own adoption. I couldn't figure out why the writers of that short program would have chosen to use the word "adopted" to communicate the daughter's desire to distance herself from her father. As an adoptive parent, I was hurt by the implication that an adopted child is somehow less connected or less related to his or her parents than a biological child would be. I have looked at your website and I know that you appreciate adoption, which is wonderful. I just wanted to let you know that this particular radio commentary communicated something to me, and probably to others listening, that you may not have intended. Thank you for your work, and for listening to my concerns.This is the response I received:
Thanks for your note. I truly appreciate your thoughtful expression of concern. And you're right; the comment in question was never intended to harm or offend - rather to reflect the type of awkward feelings teens sometimes have when their parents try too hard to "be cool."The rest of the note was simply assuring me that they were a ministry for all types of parents, and that the ministry's president is an adoptive parent himself, etc. I confess I was hoping for something more--if not an actual apology for using the word "adopted" to reflect the teen's awkward feelings, at least an acknowledgment that my feelings were somehow understood. Instead I feel like the response was: The comment was never intended to harm or offend, so if you were offended, that's your problem not ours.
At this point I'm sure the most mature thing to do is just let it go. But part of me wants to write back and push them a little more--ask them, why did you choose that word? How do you think an adopted child hearing that word used in that way might feel about himself? Is there some way you could have expressed the same thing differently? Will you consider taking that particular spot off the air?
I would appreciate hearing from other adoptive parents out there--do you think I'm being overly sensitive? Should I continue the conversation, or just let it go?
